04 October 2006

Wonder Gurl!!

A very exciting encounter took place at our humble suburban abode last night: we were visited by Wonder Gurl!

Well, sorta. See, the real Wonder Woman wears indestructible silver bracelets formed from shards of the Aegis, the shield carried by Zeus. As you can see, our little Wonder Gurl's bracelets are made from pure gold.

We're not sure if that makes her more powerful than Diana or less so, although she does have remarkable strength, speed and stamina for her size. For obvious reasons, we haven't yet tested whether or not Wonder Gurl can use her bracelets to deflect bullets, blades, punches, multi-vector laser gun attacks, or energy blasts from supernatural beings.

It is said that when crossed, these bracelets form an impenetrable barrier (an ægis in the literal sense) safeguarding Wonder Gurl and everyone under her protection. However, we can say with certainty that the bracelets do nothing to hinder the circulation of certain noxious odors.

As for Wonder Gurl's other wonder weapons and wonder powers, we haven't yet seen her wield the fiery Lasso of Truth, although we think it might come in handy when she turns 16. Wonder Gurl does possess a marvelous Purple Tiara, but it doesn't seem to be made of gold, nor is it exactly razor-sharp. She throws it regularly, but it hasn't yet manifested any lethal boomerang-like aerodynamics.

That said, to our astonishment, Wonder Gurl did demonstrate a use of her bracelets that perhaps not even Wonder Woman has contemplated:

Unfortunately, this innovation didn't prove practical. After donning this bracelet configuration, Wonder Gurl could barely walk -- much less fly.

Talaria (aka The Winged Sandals of Hermes) these are not.

That said, due to her early mastery of Tiếng Việt (shown below, albeit in a non-audio format), Wonder Gurl may eventually become a polyglot with abilities surpassing even the prodigious linguistic powers of Wonder Woman, who has historically struggled with tonal languages such as Cantonese.

On the other hand, Wonder Gurl's harmonious rapport with the animal kingdom and her ability to tame wild beasts leave ample room for improvement.

Give the kid a break...it's not easy being a SuperBaby.

Shameless Marketing Plug: in the very near future, you too will be able to possess the wondrous Golden Bracelets of Wonder Gurl. Check back next week for a link to the eBay Auction.

Diamambiguation: as some alert readers may be aware, both a "Wonder Tot" and a "Wonder Girl" have existed at various times throughout mythological history, particularly the published sort. Our Wonder Gurl asserts no claim to either identity, no doubt mostly because the copyrights have been firmly locked up by DC Comics. So don't sue us, eh?

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